AN OPEN LETTER

AN OPEN LETTER

This letter is being written “from the heart” and in the spirit of the “AWWA raison d’etre”, with a hope “to bridge the gap between rank structures”. Here are some suggestions that I sincerely feel will get us close to “understanding the pulse of younger ladies” atlast , helping them in their learning curve to become better individuals before they become proficient senior leaders/ladies.

I have spent a reasonable amount of time in the Army to begin to understand, what a wonderful organisation this is and how we (the ladies), as its bulwark, can make a tremendous difference in its immediate environment. The Army has never been just about its 1 million men but also about an almost an equal number of wives and children who nurture its fabric and contribute to its well-being. The Army needs this emotional support system just as much as its finest and latest military equipment. It has made every attempt therefore to keep a sensitive balance in its overpowering demands on the extended family of an army man by looking after his family, their needs and individual aspirations; to strengthen them and to help them find an identity despite the huge sacrifices they make. The army has made a choice but to extend these facilities to its men and their extended families to keep its members happy and productive.

I find it sad therefore, to see this whole equation turned around to make individuals feel guilty or fearful of losing the comforts of their life (which came to them unwittingly, by way of their marriage, as perks enjoyed by their husband in lieu of the money they could have earned to support their family and keep them happy) “Understanding how much the organisation does for them” is a cross they must bear for marrying an army man and living their life like itinerant gypsies, which is really unfair. I find grieving senior ladies everywhere zealously pursuing the mission of so called grooming the younger lot, who they claim are getting gradually more and more defiant, increasingly aggressive/inflexible and argumentative. It is really the other way round. If it is just a case of a few ladies here and there it can be alluded to their personality or upbringing. But when it occurs across the board and takes the proportion of phenomenon then it is something to think about. WHY are they behaving in this fashion? Are they just more individualistic, greedier and less respectful to institutionalised activities? IF SO what should be done?

Interestingly it may be noted here that when asked for their initial experiences senior ladies often narrate stories that are horrifying… “We were too scared to speak up”, they say “we were disgusted, unable to manage our kids and home and yet we did what were told to do out of fear.” Today's women in contrast are fearless and rebellious, with a mind of their own, speaking up to assert their rights as individuals first before they make a commitment to the organisation. Most of them will have to come around to do most of the mandatory tasks someday or other in way of assisting their husbands, who will find it absolutely necessary to count on their spouses support. But until that time they are most likely to just ignore their responsibilities. There is nothing to fear this initial phase of adjustment especially if we know everyone absolutely everyone will do their bit when it comes to it out of an understanding that dawns upon an individual gradually with maturity and so nothing really needs to be forced down out of fear or guilt ever.

The first three years of a newly weds life is as crucial as the formative years of a child. If we rear and nurture them with care they automatically learn to value their growth as a gift from the ones who preceded them. They also learn to tackle the diverse expectations of life and army by then and mature enough to handle things in a balanced and beautiful way.


Here’s my suggestion to help things turn around at a time when things are changing. We may use these experimentally for a short frame of time and see if it works for most people or not.

To begin with let us stop once and for all reminding every individual how much the organisation does for them instead let us tell them what they mean to the organisation.
Let us stop threatening them on how the organisation can strip them of their privileges and give them a hard time and instead remind them what a privilege it is for the organisation to have them and what the organisation wouldn’t do to keep them.

Let’s see as senior ladies if we can teach them a few good things with more warmth and kindness.


RE: LADIES CLUB:

1. Let us welcome every newly wed with all the love an understanding we can give her along with a lot of attention. Let the special table for guests at every ladies club be for them and let the immediately senior ones look after them, enquire after them and get to know them personally.
2. Let special invitation to Ladies Clubs be sent to them with the front rows of all social events and functions reserved for them.
3. Let them be given a gift of one year’s time to know their husbands and their units in this loving environment, before they become seasoned and ready to look after and groom with love, the next new lot, always taking a back seat and learning to reduce the gap between the seniors and juniors.
4. Let no pregnant women or new mothers be coerced into any activities. Let them spend quality time at home (how much can they do that anyway?). Let special events be carried out for new mothers (as special guests again) to teach new skills of balancing the domestic act with ease. These sessions are to be conducted by senior ladies of the stations with the young ones as their guests only.
5. Let special occasions be celebrated with the new mothers in mind with a crèche running for their little ones, while they get a chance to let their hair down…
6. These activities should be carried in addition to showing the usual respect we show for the seniors…but not exclusively so anymore.
7. Let us always send an invitation to all unwilling members (usually new ones from civilian background or young mothers) to join in at first just to give them a feel of what it is all about.
8. One Ladies meet per month is good enough …any meet that additionally brings together a whole station or brigade (and means a larger affair) should be a quarterly event and not more than that. Large Ladies gatherings do not serve any purpose other than entertainment .They are getting increasingly burdensome in terms of manpower and money and should be done away with. Instead we can spend the same amount of time and resource to look after our children and make quarterly attempts to have fun with them.




RE: WELFARE:

9. All community work should ideally be logged against an individuals name with the number of hours she has put in. This simply can’t be the same for the ones who have small children to those who are older and have more help at home and fewer responsibilities. With every passing year the number of hours to be put in for social work should ideally increase.
10. A minimum contribution of half an hour hr per day can be a healthy expectation from the organisation (from both its working and non working lady wives) at any age and may be stated as such. This can be easily set as routines to meet various organisational needs, met at convenient timings, without verbal powwows.
11. Any extra time given by any lady towards the organisation should be recognised .Since there would be many such ladies who do not work outside the organisation itself becomes a means to fulfilling their aspirations for an identity. Their contribution in terms of accumulated hours should be duly acknowledged with certificates /grants/scholarships /special privileges…This can attract more and more people to contribute meaningfully towards the organisation even as a means of serving personal ambition.