I DON'T COME UNDER THE ARMY ACT

Quite once in a while one hears a defiant, angry retort "You cannot force me to do anything. I don't come under the Army Act," and one is left stunned and bemused. "What's going wrong with us army wives?" Why have we ceased to feel proud of our contribution to this marvellous organisation that gives us more than just a home and a livelihood? If the frequent moves, long separations, the army discipline, the constant grooming, the welfare activities and meets, the waiting and pining form the weft of this life - The respect, the adulation, the opportunities of higher education, specialised medical facilities, eco-friendly cantonments, clubs, libraries, parks, pools, sport courts, gyms ,saunas just name it … they form the warp. Together they weave an exquisite brand that can most proudly be shown off as THE ARMY WAY OF LIFE – a smorgasbord of opportunities for all those who have come into its fold. Our children too. They stand out as the smartest, the most adaptable and the most sought after, anywhere. It is not just a style statement; it is a trademark of being part of a very elite posse of people.

Why this resistance then? Why the misapprehension, the confusion and the heartburn, when we should all be feeling good and content to be part of this lovely large family that gives us so much? Why so much conflict and misunderstanding? Would it have been simpler if we also had a clear charter of duties and a few rules to follow and privileges to be doled out only as rewards? Is it fortunate or unfortunate then, that the ladies in the Army who go by the popular appellations of "junior" and "senior", "young" and "old", don't come under the Army Act? Afflicted by a global malady of wanting the best for ourselves are we taking our blessings easy? Are we missing the forest for the trees?

I don’t think we can ever legitimise our role in the Army. So I guess a certain struggle to balance personal growth against the expectations of the organisation will always remain. The great divide between the junior and senior ladies, I fear, will also continue, unless we all learn to communicate more freely and unentangle the knots whenever we can.

One such knot seems to be tightening around the puzzled notions of the role of an officer’s wife in the Army. If her presence is expected to be limited to sweet exchanges at ladies meets, to sartorial scrutiny at parties in the Mess or to tambola, majong and dancing at the club just like her corporate counterpart, it is a big, big mistake. The Army unlike any other organisation is not revenue driven but people centric. Ladies must fulfil significant functions here, beyond the glamorous bon vivant role model to young wives. They have a whole bunch of responsibilities towards their unit and the organisation at large, that they are expected to shoulder from day one, at times even at the cost of their personal careers. If a young wife is not aware of all the responsibilities awaiting her, she may be taken aback so completely that it may generate one of the deepest crises in her life. She needs to be “sensitised” to the needs of the Army early in life.

Yet another knot seems to be securing around the confusion whether all ladies in the Army can really be “equal" as they are touted to be. "No" for instance cannot be easily taken for an answer, without some misgiving in the hierarchical system of power which often leads to an unnecessary feeling of victimisation. Well, the concept of equality may be claimed vociferously, but the truth is that it is only notional, to avoid a parallel chain of command among the ladies. Infact as the husbands climb the ladder of success, ladies get more and more embroiled into roles of greater responsibility. A number of welfare activities are expected to be conducted by senior ladies at the behest of the organisation in various leadership capacities. These activities need a committed team to make it successful. In the absence of a clear portfolio and a chain of duty on one hand and the touted egalitarianism on the other, many a chasm of misgivings are created. Feelings of being cornered, used, pressurised or disrespected therefore continue to plague the system.

What follows invariably is a blame game when no one in particular is to be faulted. On one hand a number of welfare activities are expected to be conducted by senior ladies at the behest of the organisation in various leadership capacities. These activities need a committed team to make them successful. Younger wives on the other hand with no clear idea of the expectations of the organisation have a tendency to remain defiant and unresponsive to all unit affairs, till they move into positions of power themselves. Till such times when they grow in their awareness or have direct stakes involved, some of them continue to pose a challenge to the system, making it a difficult, humiliating and even a harrowing experience for all concerned. Most of them usually come around after a few years of exposure to the Army but for all new comers the first few years remain a critical period of struggle to adjusting and accepting a new environment. Three years is seen as a minimum time period to develop a set of necessary coping skills that are appropriate to the new surroundings. In an atmosphere of love and understanding, patience and forgiveness, more often than not, doubts and misgivings melt and an attitude of selfless sharing develops naturally. Constant confrontation and threats on the other hand may set in a harrowing pattern of unforgiving, exploitative and repressive leadership that is so undesirable for the well being of any organisation.

Infact one of the most undesirable traits that affect the relationships among the ladies, knots around how we choose to deal with critical situations. For instance, an easy way out to get errant, disobedient ladies to "fall in line" is to make them "pay" for their resistance. To stamp them as "outcasts" who refuse to "understand" the full import of "responsibilities" that come with the "privileges" doled out by a benevolent Army. "The sahayaks, the vehicles, the canteen facilities", all part of that unwritten "give and take package", are threatened to be withdrawn, to "teach them a lesson”. At best a veiled threat and worst an ultimatum, such messages are put forward in no uncertain terms. "Pack up and move", may come as an order one fine day. Such rotten apples are understandably preferred to be shipped out of the outfit to maintain unit peace and discipline. Two distinct sets of behaviour have emerged as a result which is knotting up the system even further.

A creepy trend of "might is right" is being endorsed today by all and sundry and played in the name of ‘organisational loyalty'. The penalty tactics is not left as a last resort but used in day to conversation, making a jail house of a unit where everyone lives in perpetual fear. This includes officers, whose ACR’s are always in the firing line. Therefore sooner or later one learns how best to be the ‘yes man’. This is the other fallout of disciplining through coercion. It is a win-win situation for any unit to have half a dozen of these fawning and flattering men and women, who will bend backwards to remain pleasing and helpful at all times (ready to compromise with their values). It may give a great sense of apparent well being to be surrounded by these happy faces, but let us not forget that it is at the cost of breeding an entirely different species – weak – kneed sycophants, non thinking, scared, lily-livered flatterers, who will forever live to take the easier way out. They are no better than the defiant lot. They all make terrible leaders in the long run, bringing down the name of the organisation sooner or later in appalling power plays.

If you analyse the entire situation the basic knot seems to be hardening around the growing hoopla over showing “tangible outputs” in every area of our life today which has affected even the AWWA and the vocational training centres. As far as welfare is concerned the original intention of the organisation may have been no more than to bring the unemployed women folk together to use their time constructively and happily and to additionally empower them. It is doubtful if the organisation would want the same from ladies who are already productively occupied and have a meaningful career to pursue today. The AWWA mandate is very clear in this respect. It has no ambiguity. However individuals in positions that matter, interpret it to their own convenience. Over the years these activities have started receiving a personal stamp, invariably setting an additional edge to the command and are being pursued with zeal beyond call of duty, in an unhealthy atmosphere of competition. This situation needs to be seriously reviewed especially because working women will be a growing reality to deal with in the future.

What then is the solution? What is the way out? It may be worthwhile to stall all tasks and process and experiment with them a little. What we have to remember is that in an unorganised group such as ours, the tools and structures for the management need to flow out of the needs of the group. So first and foremost the need of the group, in the changing times, must be established. For better or for worse their needs will give shape to the future environment of the Army. If their selfish needs take over, they will face the tune themselves. Even when the privileges keep showering they will live in isolation in their little islands unable to bestow a sense of camaraderie that stamps army life.

Ideally should we use the first three years simply to sensitising new comers to the requirement of the Army and to expose them to its benevolence then? By the end of this time when individuals move into a position of responsibility (as company commander’s wife) they must receive a well laid out systematic training in lower level man management. As the portfolio expands so should the training but with a professional edge, which is missing as of now. A critical assessment and a list of mandatory activities that are the administrative necessities of the organisation should be drawn up from time to time. While the “what to do” should always focus on the respective unit requirements, the “how to do” should ideally involve a set of carefully designed tools and training programme to achieve them. We must also be taught how to deal with the ungrateful, the unresponsive, the self-centred and the cynical without losing our tolerance, endurance and patience. We must “hope” to win them over by Gandhi's path of motivation. Finally the time has come when we must seriously look into alternatives of “hiring” help (from our own ladies) to give core activities a more professional edge and not leave it all at the mercy of the available and the charitable few.

Each one of us belonging to this large family forms an essential cog in the wheel. It is entirely upon us to keep this machinery well-oiled and functioning smoothly, or else we will continue to hear appalling, unappreciative screeches at one level, while we face a simmering discontent at the other. We may not come under the Army Act, but we do need to put our act together to nurture the precious bonhomie the Army allows us to enjoy. Let us re-examine this entire package to make the end-game more meaningful, to foster an environment that is conducive to motivational participation and to breed a sense of belonging that comes from pride, not prejudice.