ARMY IS OUR HAVEN , our home. It will only be as good as we make it.

7 long months but voila I am back...Here's a letter from a friend I should have posted a long time ago but I had some technical difficulties in opening my blogsite. This letter has been written in great anguish and may shock some, in the intensity of its content.It's explosive if you ask me.Truth is a many sided prism and this is my friend's truth and I respect it.
I have my side of the story but I do endorse her views about the undue hoopla over the "privileges" enjoyed by the army wives.
At the last seminar at the AWC I pointed out how we cannot 'use' privileges as a carrot to make our ladies and jawan's wives feel obligated towards the organisation . The moment we ask for such a steep payback the nobility of the organisation fades doesn't it? Let us not malign the organisation and use it as scapegoat for our petty selfish needs to improve our status . Let us not assume that no one but us ( the seniors) know how obligated we should remain to the army. Honestly I don't even know if I qualify to be called a "senior lady".I am a transition wife who is looking forward to the role of a senior lady sooner or later. I will take the liberty of speaking as a nearly-there-senior lady.
No one denies ARMY is a great organisation and that we as the better halves can contribute a great deal to make it better.It is all in the hands of the younger generation. We have had a great time here and we wish them the same. Instead of stressing on so called 'grooming ' of our young ladies ( which they resent, because we make such a lot of fuss about it. Wonder why it is always "My way or the highway")I think we must work towards making a place for them instead in this organisation. That should be our paramount duty.Make them feel needed and understood, give them a feeling of ownership by respecting their decisions and help them making constructive choices. When they realise this organisation will only be as good as they make it they will automatically contribute and learn to take responsibility of their actions .We don't need to drill into them the do's and the don'ts ever so often and deride them when they fall short of our expectations.We just need to aprise them of our strategies lest they want to learn from our mistakes. We need to open some doors for them lest they need a helping hand . Eventually they will come around and respect us if we just let them be. I have heard a lot of complaints about how the "younger lot are selfish and disrespectful etc".I feel we corner them far too much too at times with and bombard them with our expectations.They naturally act in defensive manner ,which is not in good form ,but do we give them a choice?. Even as CO's wife my friend here, who has written this is letter, had very little choice. What a pity!I mean you have chosen a man to run an unit of 800 men and you can't trust his wife's juddgement on what is best for her OR's wives? Who knows them better than she?She should be allowed complete freedom to apply her own rules within the broader ambit of organisational requirement , which I am sure she already knows and understands.As seniors we must take active inerest in their views and ideas and activities appreciate them for their contributuon whatever that may be( let them know every drop counts in an organisation like this and that when it comes lovingly it really does wonders)... And we must believe in them that they will create paths and make a new future for themsleves too, just as we did...sometimes just as good if not even better...Only if we trust the young ones and allow them to take some decision and make some choices (now that's true grooming) Only if we sincerely respect what they stand for which is CHANGE , shall we achieve greater bonhomie. It needs great strength of character to accept change , great resilience to see a new order replace the old one, great humility to flow with the tide.As seniors we need to learn our lessons while the young ones formulates their own...What are we scared of? What is so sacrosanct about "the way it was".Let them make and break a few rules.Let them find out by trial and error what is good for them. Let them take resposnibility of their actions. We don't have to be the drill masters,if you ask me ,and earn a bad name even if we are convinced what we are doing it for a good cause.One must learn to LET GO as one grows older... That is one lesson in life where we can't go wrong.

Okay now over to the letter from my friend. I am not disclosing her name to protect her privacy.I wish to tell all of of you who write to me that you need not fear of your identity being disclosed...Do keep writing, sharing your thoughts and making constructive changes....Remember ARMY is our haven ,our home.It will only be as good as we make it.



Hi, Read your enriching experience in the army. You have touched upon every aspect to which I can relate at a macro level. I feel the vacuity in me, which keeps me dissatisfied. We all know how to distinguish between right & wrong . I do feel attimes several of the LADIES at the top are inexperienced and occupy the chair of a decision making body, by default. Only a handful is competent and I really respect them for their vision and teachings. They are also among the few who LISTEN and don't just throw their weight around .

Today when even in the political scenario we are observing a massive change –with the younger generation coming in the forefront, why are we not being able to accept that here? Why are we not capitalizing on the modern views of this energetic modern generation.
To ignore it is being hypocritical & impractical . This I concluded after 21/2 years experience as a2IC&CO’s wife . I found it so difficult to be knowingly shutting my eyes to practicality.I took several bitter pills while dealing with the WELFARE (as we’re supposed to call it) of the jawans’ wives .My unofficial boss would keep advising me to follow my head rather than the heart. Inspite of the fact that I was not convinced at any point, in any matter, i WAS forced to carry out several unpleasant tasks and convince the families of the same .

Officers’ ladies are drilled (grilled more like it) to motivate them to be self-reliant, keeping their own jobs at stake.( What sort of empowerment do we talk about when we follow no rules of professionalism? What sadistic pleasure calls upon a CO's wife to "consider" giving up her job for instance? A hard earned career that the previous generation never had to work for ( and they call us greedy?) . Hence they never learnt to value professionalism. For every little event you are expected to take leave from work .It is not even a shrouded plea. It is a daemocleces sword. Payback time for the so called privileges one earned. What privileges may I ask?One of our junior officers’ wife who is a senior manager of a major bank infact as ked me this question. She earns perks that her husband enjoys but the company doesn’t expect him to sell his soul for it. The privileges are rightly for the employee whether or not he/she is married. As a army officer’s wife , she reminded me, she doesn’t even get free rations when her husband is away. What do I tell her?

I sincerely felt the welfare is a big hogwash and a bare necessity of survival for the senior ladies. There’s no real patriotism involved here other than the selfish interest of their husband’s carrierand a lot of free time to dilly dally .I am told that the flight fares are subjected to the AWWA activities carried out ( now that’s a privilege with capital P).No wonder then every coffee morning/ladies meet/dinner nites is rife with AWWA.AWWA…..When these big shots confront queries at the ground level they fumble and attend to sudden phone calls on their latest mobiles or just give a shut up call...

I was made Principal of the brigade school when its the Princi had to leave at a short notice due to a mishap in her family. We worked day and night to present a modern school (international level) to the core cmdr’s wife.I could feel the challenging vibes through her piercing look. Well I did my best - multiple intelligence theories, graphic organizers, brain compatibility theories. She declared ours the best school in the div!
Few months ago we received a 40 pages letter from army HQ stating several logical dos & donts.But it got lost in those big AWWA offices. Ah....

Am I the only one thinking like this? NO…if you care to look around and listen you will find a wave of change coming to engulf old system and old ideas that don't respect change, don't have the power to stand up to face the “empowered” new generation with a mind of their own. I will wait for that day.

I wish to reiterate at this point that several of those SENIOR LADIES who listened to us, made a big difference in our lives. I can imagine how difficult it must be for this handful to survive amidst so much of mindless psychophancy..KUDOS to them .I hope to be like them when I reach there ( IF I REACH THERE..not after the shindy I created. I am labelled a REBEL when I too have the best interest of this organisation at my heart. I am as selfless and as the best of them...but who cares?Being assertive is a cardinal mistake in here, which is so sad...)

Regards